A Dreamy Journey Through Life

തൂലിക തുമ്പിലെ മഷി ഒരു തുള്ളി പോലും ശേഷിക്കാതെ വറ്റിപ്പോയിരിക്കുന്നു. എഴുത്തോലകള്‍ ചിതലെടുതിരിക്കുന്നു. എഴുത്ത് പലകകളില്‍ പുതിയ തലമുറ കോറി വരച്ചിട്ടിരിക്കുന്നു. വെളിച്ചവും മങ്ങിയിരിക്കുന്നു. ഇനി രക്ഷയില്ല. പുറ്റിലേക്ക് മടങ്ങുകയാണ് അവള്‍. വിഷമില്ലാതായവള്‍! നിലക്കാത്ത ചിന്തകൾ കരിങ്കല്ലുകളിൽ തട്ടിയുടഞ്ഞു ചിതറി തെറിച്ചു പോകുന്നു. ഒന്നും സാധ്യമല്ലാത്ത ഏകാന്തതയിൽ ചുറ്റിവരയപ്പെടുമ്പോഴും കൈയ്യെത്തിപ്പിടിക്കാത്ത ഉയരങ്ങൾ കുറിച്ച് പറഞ്ഞു കുറ്റപ്പെടുത്തുന്ന കണ്ണുകൾ. അന്ധത അഭികാമ്യം!

She was planted somewhere here around thirty years ago. A tiny sapling with tender silky pale leaves, two-three. Shades disturbed her continuously from corners-eight. Instincts drove her to explorations, amid the shabby dark shades. As it was the rule, the powerful piercing rays of the sun tempted her. A leaf, a branch, a bend-here and there- she got dreamy. Thought her prince charming was calling her for a life, every time. Thought it was indeed ‘a way out’ and was thus happy. But they trimmed her- every new branch, new diversion, new hope. Told her to grow upward, though reminding the shining day-star. Beginning was confusing; later she got used to and now she exists.

For my sister’s mother-in-law who passed away by the attack of cancer. I wanted to domesticate my much awaited death; To stop just ‘being’, to stop my breath. Here the heavenly herald was heard. Those hysterical hearts hopelessly cried. It was, in the beginning, boring; books, Then sought treats of fruits and nuts. Along with mounted medicines more And angels-white with what they wore. The hands got bound, thus books bid bye. Mild music, then, filled my heart and eye. Men came crying, calling and cursing. White flawless flowers fed me fluttering. Green- without and within- gazed me gay. Darlings, dare not dream; I’m not any day; For, they, those things surrounded me, Do not, into their little talks, invite me. Room to room; calm, critical and then calm. I looked at the lines lay lengthy in my palm. The night train deadly dragged and delayed ‘Help poor passengers’, to Him, I prayed. Blood multiplied, more and more multiplying. ...

See, here I am happy as everyone wanted me to be. See, here I am happy, surrounded by a great many people. See, here I am happy with a companion life-long. See, here I am happy, crowded by the cries of my youngs. See, here I am happy for what I am. But yet I am sad for what I am. Just turn back and look, how happy those unhappy days were!