A Dreamy Journey Through Life

I have learnt that I am happy Extremely happy that I have turned to be a mad girl Better, a mad lady No, a mad woman, actually I am in my thirties, no more a girl. I am not gentle, so no lady. I am a woman, for I am female. I would have otherwise been a man Which would have been more of a hell But, I could have had an escape If I had been a man A man. Alas! Then, I would have deserted many, Though sad, Would have done that with a smile A pale, cute smile! My veins would have stood out Protruding, ugly and horrible My body might have been Masculine, tight and rough My voice might have been Base, though it is almost the same now My skin might have been Dark, leathery and thick My mind might have been Cunning, calculating and ambitious My heart might have been Tender, juvenile and green O, wet matchbox, thy name is man!

Life is like Chasing a dog I am surprised for where I stand In the rush of a race Everyone is busy chasing dogs Here go I, chased by my dog It wants me turn left and right And wants me to go forward I see hurdles But it wants me to jump Every direction I take Reminds me of its furious bite Every turn I make I try to drift away from that beast I want to stand still And take a breath But the beast behind me Takes away my sleep and sweat And, as you know, My dog is stronger I had to surrender.

Will tomorrow be a better day? However it may I won’t be seeing it. ‘What man! Take it easy. OK, tell me, what troubles you? What’s your problem?’ My problem? I watch I listen I touch I smell I taste I love I think I ask I answer I hate I breathe Will tomorrow be a better day? Whatever! I won’t be seeing it.

A sigh! She expressed an emptiness, A hollowness in her eyes; A worthlessness in her thoughts; A vacuum in her heart. Everything was breaking down. Nobody could bind them up. Everything was falling down. It was vain, building up. A sigh! She couldn’t weep. There were no tears Welling up in her eyes. The day was sunny And everyone happy. Buzz… in the garden, Flowers fluttered in spirits. Vrooms… busy were the streets. A sigh! From the darkest corner, Where the used useless things were thrown, Beside the broken earthen pots, Amidst the heap of polythene. The sigh escapes much after The tedious maternal prompting And terrifying paternal manipulation. A sigh of total indifference. A sigh! It was like a restless kid Unwrapping a priceless gift, Which was broken and shattered As it slipped down from his hands. A merciless tearing! She remembers a hand here, An eye there, a neck, a chest, A nose that touched the nav...

Darkness made it all easier. The nagging guilt and shame That pierced his heart Made the king stoop to the knees. Not all his guilt; but a fate- Inevitable, unavoidable, tragic! ‘Who is to be blamed?’ He shuddered with terror. Acceptance is difficult, but Darkness made it all easier. Exile is now essential, A quench for conscience. All kingship, a waste. All power, mere vanity. ‘My love, my sincerity, Everything questions.’ She! Eurydice- his wife? He can’t count, can’t think. Her death - it seems Darkness made it all easier! How could he mourn, as a man or as a son? Yet he wept, wept to the Dark; Dried his lips and thoughts. Daughters looked stunned With newly born faces. He cannot be sure! He can’t face, can’t think. His own darlings - indeed Darkness made it all easier.

A dark shadow has something to tell Through its ever-shining stars. Stars that have gathered more handsome features As they have fallen in love. They twinkle as they speak. Somebody come, hear them, Let’s hear them, they speak. As giggling the river flows And spreads and conquers the moors, They go in search of their halves. They are tired, but not at rest. They fall but regain their zest. Ah! Now they have come to peace As their pilgrimage ends in ease. Behold! The luckiest is she, To whom those diamonds are addressed. She is unknown but a Helen. She is a queen of their hearts and heaven. They, excited and speechless, Shine more vividly from the Darkness. Look! The Dark is happy!

When you go in the morning, Please check the weather For my daughter needs a sound sleep. She shouldn’t fall ill. She needs rest. I must take care of her. I must comb her hair. I must clean her room. I must check on her wounds, Clean them and let them dry For she has to face them all again, And she should be sound.

ഞാനൊന്നുറങ്ങട്ടെ... ഈ യാത്രകളില്‍ ഞാന്‍ മുഴുകുന്നു. എല്ലാ യാത്രകളും ഒഴിച്ച് കൂടാനാകാത്തതും (ചിലപ്പോഴൊക്കെ) നിര്‍ബന്ധിതവും ആകുന്നു.യാത്രകളില്‍ ഞാന്‍ സന്തോഷവതിയെങ്കിലും യാത്രകള്‍ എന്റെ തലച്ചോറിന്‍റെ തന്മാത്രകളെ പോലും ഇളക്കിമരിക്കുന്നു, കിളക്കുന്നു. എവിടെയും വീഴ്ചകളും മുറിവുകളും മുറുമുരുപ്പുകളും അവശേഷിക്കുന്നു. നന്മകളെല്ലാം തെറ്റുകലാകുന്നു.തെറ്റുകള്‍ പാപങ്ങളും. പുതിയ പുതിയ ഭാവങ്ങള്‍ കൈവരിക്കാന്‍ പ്രേരണ ലഭിക്കുമ്പോള്‍ അവ സ്വീകരിക്കാതെ വയ്യ എന്നാ അവസ്ഥയാകുന്നു. അവ സ്വീകരിക്കുമ്പോഴാകട്ടെ (നമ്മെക്കുറിച്ചു മറ്റുള്ളവര്‍ക്കുള്ള ) പ്രതീക്ഷകള്‍ മുറുകുന്നു. ഞാന്‍ ഭയക്കുന്നു. ഞാന്‍ ദുര്‍ബലയാണ്. ഞാന്‍ ഭയക്കുന്നു. ഞാന്‍ അശക്തയാണ്. ഞാന്‍ ഭയക്കുന്നു. ഞാന്‍ അനാഥയാണ്. ഞാന്‍ ഭയക്കുന്നു. ഞാന്‍ ഒറ്റക്കാണ്. ഞാനൊന്നുറങ്ങട്ടെ... വിരലുകള്‍ കൊണ്ടുള്ള സംസാരപ്രപഞ്ഞ്ച്ചതില്‍ ഞാന്‍ ചിറകടിച്ചു പറന്നു. ഞാന്‍ തളരുമ്പോള്‍ എല്ലാം വൃക്ഷ ശാഖകള്‍ എനിക്കഭയമേകി.കരുത്താര്‍ന്ന പരുപരുത്ത ശാഖകള്‍. അവ പ്രായം കൊണ്ട് കറുത്തിരുന്നു. നന്മ കൊണ്ട് തടിച്ചും ( തടിയുള്ളവരെല്ലാം നന്മയുള്ളവരാണോ? മരങ്ങളും??). പറന്നുപറന്നു തള...